Halloween is my favorite holiday. And getting in the spirit of this sanctimonius holiday, this weekend we all went to the corn maze up in Everett. I had never been before mostly because in Florida there is a distinct lack of corn mazery. Outwardly, the idea of a corn maze and the reality do not deviate from each other very much.  

Perhaps, if my first experience was as a child, there may have been a mysterious quality to the experience with a seemingly real possibility of never emerging from that hellish grain labyrinth. I can envision my overactive imagination as a child working against me in that way. Instead of a minotaur I would instead be accosted by the Children of the Corn. 

However, since growing up I’ve learned to use my imagination in a more pragmatic way. I’ve entertained the idea of being lost in a vast labyrinth and finding my way back out keeping my wits about me. This scenario has played out often enough that I was even eager to be in a maze so that I could test my mettle. I imagined it would be more like a maze from the movie The Labyrinth – of course, minus the goblins and David Bowie. Clearly, I would also have nothing to do with saving a goddam ugly baby either.

Regardless, my first maze experience was not the torturous and terrifying situation that it could have been but I still felt a sense of mild accomplishment upon completion of my epic quest. Clearly, I have what it takes to survive in such a scenario. 

Aside from the maze there was a pumpkin cannon. Reading about this on the website thrilled the hell out of me. Seeing it left me a little wanting. I had hoped they would be launching full sized pumpkins. Rather they were softball-sized with some slightly larger than that. The sound I expected would have been a deep resounding boom as befits a squash siege weapon. It was more like the sound of a spitball leaving a straw but louder. 

Another thing that tainted the experience of the pumpkin cannon was the calls of the  crowd. I can appreciate their excitement but listening to their “Whoo-hoo!”s transported me into a living room sausage fest complete with beer, football, and talk during the commercials about hunting. It was a scene I felt dirty just imagining and I’m shuddering now as I read what I just wrote.

-J

Tags: corn maze